Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
