love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
