So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
