Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
