I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I need moral support for this bender
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
