I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize