Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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