Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
