i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
