i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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