I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
