I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she told me i tasted like america
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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