my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
