My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
