how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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