when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
