But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
