how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
