I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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