peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everyone says I win the strip club
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
