Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
