I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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