Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
