Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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