2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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