At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
