Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize