There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
did you just send me my own nude
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
