Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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