I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
