Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize