How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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