I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
