He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
