Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
