Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we're so committed to being not committed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
