I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
