I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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