They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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