Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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