By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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