I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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