You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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