Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
