I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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