I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
