i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
