So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
