I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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