you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
