it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
organizing the empties. That sober.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
