I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
