I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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