can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
