that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
