tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
