If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
