I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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