Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
