I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
