She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
