I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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