Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
