When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
