I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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