Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
