Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
