My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
