Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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