i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
