he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
