Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
