She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
