i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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