I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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