lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
