How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
