"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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