people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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