I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you had me at cake vodka
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sext me about skeletons
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
