i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
